Desperation
could lead to mistakes. And in relationship, men and women who meet yet
desperate about settling down are up to something. It is either they have
something to hide or they are on a vengeance mission. Usually, ladies are more
prone to desperation and in their bid to get looked to a man, they say I do
even before the man proposes.Asking questions about his part doesn’t seem to
matter all. The most important thing is that there is a man and hence, they (ladies)
marry themselves into complications.
For
a man who desperately wants to marry a desperate woman, it is either ‘something
is chasing him’ or ‘he is chasing something’. Such a man needs a bread winner;
a woman who is desperate enough and would not mind to be the one putting good
on his table. Asking questions solve a lot of unforeseeable problems. A man or
woman who jumps in where others would gladly jump out has problems and could
have a lot of problems in the relationship.
In
this free report, Reuben (not real name) shares his experience with a lady he
met and married without asking questions.
Her father was sleeping with her Reuben
43
I
met Janet (Not real name) during a seminar I attended in Lagos
from Port Harcourt.
She is a beautiful lady and has a rare height for a woman, she did not present
a paper during the seminar but she asked questions that have depth and revealed
how intelligent she is. We got chatting during the lunch break and I noticed
she had no wedding ring on. I wondered why a beautiful lady like her was not
married but because it would be rude to ask how old she was, I decided to ask
her out on a date the following day. She gladly accepted and was waiting before
I got to the venue.
She
discussed intelligently over lunch. I was swayed by her depth of knowledge in
many fields. She told me she has a degree in Health Sciences, an MBA, a low
degree and a Masters in Law. She even answered the question I dreaded to ask
her. She told me she was 36. that was in 2005. we agreed to meet again
as she would be in Port Harcourt
in a couple of months for a seminar. She represented an organization that has
interest in material health and she seemed widely traveled. I also realized she
makes friends with ease. When she came to Port
Harcourt, I kicked against her staying in an hotel. I
live in a comfortable apartment and I convinced her to stay with me during her
four-day stay in the garden city she did. She slept in the guest room for the 1st
two nights and I didn’t mind. But on the 3rd night, I told her she
has tried I was impressed the next 3 nights, she shared my bed but she would
not let me touch her. She politely pushed me off for 3 nights that I had to
look at myself in the mirror over and over again and wondered if anything was
wrong.
I’m
a handsome man by all standards and ladies fall over one another to have a date
with me. Why then would a woman spend almost a week in my apartment and go
scot-free. I didn’t even kiss her. When she was going, I drove her to the
airport but the tension between us was high. Janet was not impressed. I was not
her kind of man. I was not good enough for her I did not behave it. I’m highly
educated Almost like Janet, I have a good job, so, why would Janet not be
impressed by me. I made sure I kept in touch. My friends thought I caught a big
fish but I was too ashamed to tell them what Janet did to me. On April 15,
2006. I had cause to be in Lagos
and I stayed with Janet in her modest apartment at Ilupeja. I was too keen to
have carnal knowledge of her and was ready to do anything to achieve that. I
asked her why she disliked me but she said she didn’t, that she had deep
respect for me. Yet, she would not let me love her.
I
told her that I don’t just want friendship, that I wanted more than that and
she would just gaze at me. She would discus other subjects but not
relationship. It was her mother’s visit that kind of softened things for us,
her mother was initially outraged that she kept a man in the house but Janet
quickly explained I was just a friend visitor from Port Harcourt. Her mother was not satisfied
she told me point blank that ‘a goat, and a tuber of yam do not stay together.’
She said that being a friend from Port Harcourt
was not enough reason for me to stay in her daughter’s apartment when I visited
Lagos. I began
to wonder. I was 40 and Janet was 36. we were both single. So, we could as well
yet married. I told, Janet’s mother that her daughter was not getting younger
and ought to settle down. She flared up, saying it was the point she was trying
to make, that her daughter needed to be left alone for suitors to come. But the
way I saw Janet, she didn’t seem to be seriously searching even though she was
single. I was the desperate one so, I told her mother I was going to marry
Janet. She was shocked and Janet only looked at me.
We
got married July, 2006. I did not have carnal knowledge of her before marriage
and after marriage, she kept pushing me off. I did not understand that and
could not take that. So, on many occasion, I forcefully had sex with her. I
realized she hated me more every day especially whenever I forced her to have
sex with me. It was strange. And I noticed she was taking pills because she
didn’t want to have a child.
I
sat her down one night and told her the implications. She is a layer and she
should know she said I should stop forcing her. I told her to be submissive or
would keep doing that. One night, she wanted to take pills again after we made
love but I stopped her. She got very mad and kept hitting my chest, but I bore
the pains while I tried to calm her down. Then she said I was like her father
who always had sex forcefully with her and later tried to calm her down. I was
shocked. Janet was sexually abused by her father and she never told me. And I
didn’t ask. I was told her father was not around during our marriage because he
was out of the country. I didn’t know he was fleeing from the elders who
demanded that he performed some rituals to cleanse himself and their land.
Janet and her father were enemies. IF
ONLY I HAD KNOWN the knowledge also affected me. I kept away from Janet for
months. I did not touch her. I did not know what to do. I wanted to annul the
marriage, but I needed to help her. All her life, she was helping people who
had a similar problem but could not help herself she runs an NGO where she
helps such people but she has not been able to conquer her own problem. I could
not leave her. Infact, her problem became the reason to draw closer to her and
I’m glad I stayed with her. We have resolved the issues and I got her to
forgive her father who violated her. We have a better relationship and a
perfect sex life but not everybody who had my experience could handle it
